thursday.. 7am wake-up call.. the 4 boys are leaving in half an hour. we've not gotten much sleep and i'm still in denial as i accompany them to the communal area. only a few of us have woken up to see them off.. i knew this was going to happen but now that it's happening, i hate it. it seems like we've only just sat down when all of a sudden the taxi's outside and waiting.. we all stand up awkwardly, not really knowing what to do and then someone initiates the first goodbye hug and we make our rounds. i refuse to hug sam until just before he jumps in the cab. i'm gonna miss them so much..
they drag their heavy bags onto their backs, everyone still groggy from the previous night. it's a gloomy walk to the front gate.. backpacks in the boot, everybody ready to go. i jump on them all one last time then turn to sam and can't actually say anything. i have this weird thing where sometimes i close up and turn to stone when i'm upset, and that's what happens now. i want to cry or say something or wish him well or whatever you're meant to say, but instead i numbly collapse into a hug. 2 months together and soon, nothing.. then the taxi beeps, the engine starts and they're gone..
the rest of the day is awful. i'm already miserable and watching the rest of the 2-monthers getting their things together is so depressing. in a way i'm almost glad the boys left so abruptly as opposed to painstakingly watch the hours crawl until the afternoon airport transfer whilst knowing the inevitable.. one of the four girls, campbell, is part of the leavers and the A4 have a very emotional day.. so many hugs, a lot of crying, final messages and group snuggles.. i'm still numb from the morning and can't seem to get any emotion out. it's strange. the time finally arrives and the 2-monthers (and 1-monthers whose programs are over) slowly head to the bus.. more tears, more hugs, then they're gone.
camp is dead. everything feels wrong. nobody really knows what to do with themselves, there's such an obvious void and no way to fill it. sick of moping around camp where so memories lie, us remaining 3-monthers head once more to leonardo's for some comfort food. once seated, i try to order a dissarano but it feels wrong without sam so i choke down a tusker instead.. tentative conversation begins but the 3 girls and i who are all feeling the departures quite strongly don't say much. i'm starving and order a pizza, then can't manage to swallow more than 2 pieces.. we pay the bill and head home. i go straight to bed and pray i pass out soon.
it might sound silly to you that everyone was so upset but this volunteer program has been such a unique and intense way to meet people that the friendships formed really had time to deepen and flourish.. even now, sitting at camp exactly a week later, i wish they'd never left. i'm sure if the boys lived in australia this wouldn't be so hard because i'd know i'd be seeing them again soon.. but they live on the other side of the world. which sucks. really, really bad. i guess there's a definite win/lose situation with traveling - you discover new friendships and get to meet new, amazing people.. but then you have to leave them behind.
Comme je te vois et te reconnais ma Louloute "turn into stone", quand l'èmotion et la tristesse sont trop fortes! ..déjà quand tu étais minuscule petite "Miss Magoo"!..
ReplyDeleteOh oui¨c'est si si triste de dire adieu à des amis avec qui l'on a partagé tant de moments forts...et je voulais te dire....exactement ce que tu dis si si justement à la fin "I guess there is a definite win/lose situation ...."etc Eh oui, c'est génial de prendre conscience déjà à ton âge qu'il y a un revers de médaille à toute chose et que la même chose...voyager en l'occurence, a ses côtés géniaux..ET aussi ses côtés pénibles...et que c'est bien pourquoi. il est utile de s'entraîner à bien voir tjrs "le verre à moitié plein", plutôt" qu'à moitié vide"...
Quel bonheur d'avoir pu lier ces amitiés..et comme c'est triste quand même leur départ je t'aime et te fais à mon tour un HUGE hug!
Hey chook, this comment is a sum up of all your latest entries.
ReplyDeleteFirstly, I'm glad the toilet block as gone together so well, and that slapping concrete on my brick amused you. Being apart of kenya in such a way is actually one of the weirdest sensations to date. :P
Secondly, Your partying and running amuck. Babe, have fun while you're there. You are young fit and ready to make memories that will last you a life time. But just like with what your dad said, just stay safe and be careful, that is what matters most. :)
Thirdy, This sam bloke, must be something special to ensnare you as such. I look forward to meeting him if i ever get the chance. Its sad that he had to leave, but this is will build you as a person. I love you with all my heart miss. And im sure he loves the friendship that you share.
Je t'aime mon coeur. xx
My dearest Leïla, I can imagine what you went through and believe that this experience will make you grow as a better and stronger person. I was particularly touched when you said that you’re turning to stone when upset…. I know this feeling very well as I tend to react the same way. The big difference is that you already know it! So don’t be afraid of your own feelings and emotions; just say it. Don’t even hesitate to cry if needed. It’s good for your soul…
ReplyDeleteI love you, dad