mixed feelings?

i'm now going off on a bit of a tangent - there's something here that i hadn't quite counted on, and that's the fact that we're all feeling a bit irked by the local kids. the young ones are harmless and lovely, just in want of affection. but we've quickly found that as soon as they're old enough to grasp a concept of money and possessions, the kids here try to discreetly get as much out of you as they can.. and it's not that pleasant?

to give you an example, the day we arrived we were warned by a camp guide not to accept or buy any bracelets off the local boys. thinking not much of it, we all went out and said hi to the kids over our first few days, answered their questions with our names and where we're from, trying to make conversation and be friendly. and only a few days later, all of a sudden the boys were showing up with threaded bracelets with our names on them, calling us 'my friend' and asking for money for their work?? a few people agreed and we were later told that these kids don't go to school and just hang around hoping they'll be able to get things off gappers, and that once you accept and wear their bracelet they believe they 'own' you in a sense and will not let you be from then on. i personally tried to decline my bracelet offer and we semi forced to take it as the boy then said it was a gift and he wanted me to take it anyway before he ran off.. it's now in my bag as a nice souvenir but i'm not gonna wear it. and it's just made me feel a little uncomfortable, because there's a solid group of them that really are always just hanging around watching us.. and the way they act is so sneaky!!!!

i feel i have to always watch my belongings really carefully and it's frustrating that 9/10 conversations you'll have with them (that i've at first tried to put my heart into) will end with them trying to give you a (usually) made-up sob story to get money or trying to take your hat or sunglasses or something of the sort. it's almost as though they're so used to seeing volunteers here now that they expect to get something out of us?? i hope i'm not being too harsh.. and to be fair it's not just me making this up, we have been told to be careful and asked not to encourage them. i've gotta say though that even after only 2 weeks it's getting on my nerves when i see the same faces just hanging around the top of the pit or approaching us whenever we leave camp. they're just always there.. and most of them are boys. and they just... stare.

i was so hoping this trip would provide opportunity to form ties with the local people and get involved in the community but for now that's not really seeming to be the case.. i also know one of the girls who volunteered to help out of the school has had mixed feelings towards the teachers' attitudes towards her being there. and the bricklayer hamisi on his second day of work brought some paintings he'd done, laid them around the hole and talked to us about them heavily hinting he wanted us to buy them?? when he's clearly been paid to come work here to begin with..

i'm trying really hard to keep an open mind and get out of this trip as much as i can, i think it's just been a not-so-exciting week and with everything compiling as well as a little home-sickness, i'll feel a lot better after a weekend relaxing with everyone and shaking it all off. i'm gonna try and see with the camp leader if there's a chance of us working on a different project next week when there's only 6 of us left.. i really want to work hard. regardless i'm looking forward to when we leave muhaka and spend time at a different camp to see what else is offered there.. perhaps i just had a really naïve outlook on what my placement would be like and i shouldn't've had those expectations?

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re-read as im uploading.. i feel kinda shit about my tone in this post but i figure if you want to know what i'm thinking/feeling over here i can't just post the good bits?? im sure this will all be fine, its just gonna teach me thigns in ways i wasn't expecting and god knows i need more patience as a person anyway (: hope you won't think i'm a whiny princess now..